Non-fiction by Rabbit White

by thiszine

Are You Positive You’re Sex Positive?
by Rabbit White

 

What comes to mind when you hear the words sex positive? Feminist lectures about looking at your vagina in a mirror? Your sex ed teacher putting condoms on bananas? Drunken flashbacks to last year’s pride parade? I’ve read a few definitions of sex positivity online and they all seem to define it as the idea that “sex is good”; or “people who are working towards a better relationship with sex.” However, with sex positivity there seems to be this notion of “all consensual sex is good” and that sleeping with a lot of people and being proud of that makes you sex positive (the ever popular pro-sex feminist approach). One problem with this is that it is sexist,: it does not include any room for men. This just flips and reinforces double standards, if a chick has a lot of sex she is a slut and that’s cool and positive, but if a guy does than he is a slut and that’s sleazy and gross. I think that sex positivity is actually something very hard to reach, something that should be striven for but is in no way easy.

 

Being sex positive is not about being open about your sex life or being pro-slutty. To me, being sex positive is honestly examining your sexual history and your sexual preferences. What made you who you are sexually today? What do you like and why do you like it? This definition also includes sometimes not engaging in things that we like sexually if they are destructive or physically and psychologically unhealthy. I think what sometimes happens is that people call things sex-positive for the express purpose of avoiding examining whether or not they are actually positive.

 

In my younger days I identified as a strong assertive woman and a feminist. Yet, sexually as a total bottom. I was constantly covered in bruises and cuts because I liked being really roughed up in bed. I told myself that was okay because I knew I liked it and could initiate it, I was sex positive.

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